I swear, I have been meaning to update for days. Except when I sit down to it, I can't think of anything really worth writing about it. Things right now just seem to be carrying on as normal without any real development or drama.
I'm feeling sort of apathetic -- perhaps shades of the body-snatched feeling of a few months back. It's not that bad, but it's sort of around there. It might be the meds, blocking me off from really feeling anything. Or it might just be me. I think the latter is more likely, since this feeling isn't unknown to me.
Things with San are largely good. This isn't as good as "very good", as I was describing them last week, but they're better than just "good" or "yeah, alright". I think San is feeling insecure because I don't seem as into her recently, like she has become unattractive to me. I try to explain how I'm feeling but it doesn't much get us anywhere.
San took offence when I said that I felt she would go looking elsewhere if I couldn't start to show her more attention -- mainly in the bedroom department, perhaps, but emotionally too. All the same, I'm not entirely sure what she gets up to with other guys when she goes out -- I know she doesn't do anything that could be considered cheating, but I don't think I'd like it. She also expressed an interest in going to a speed-dating night, but I think dropped the subject when it was my turn to take offence that I'm not enough on my own. It had shades of the day we went to the zoo over the summer and she wanted to see other people.
Incidentally, she has since claimed that she was trying to make me jealous. But she has also started to try and deny that claim, since I have a tendency to not let go of things. Of course, she wouldn't have admitted at the time that was what she was doing -- and if it's what she's doing now she probably won't admit it until later. But I have faith it will all work itself out.
In other news, Fi and I are talking again. I was resentful about her almost total silence since we met in December, but gave her another chance by emailing her asking her what gives, and asking if I had done something to piss her off. It was just as I expected -- her boyfriend found out we had met behind his back, and was not happy about it. Seems the guy is threatened by me. Maybe he should date San -- she almost freaks out at the mention of Fi's name.
So you see, nothing much to say. I'm still considering the Air Force, just for a career and maybe the opportunity to fly something shiny. But journalism isn't completely repulsive to me, either, and it will be what I am trained to do by the end of the summer.
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