Hair

Hair and I have never really been friends. I've had very fine hair all my life, which even from an early age has been a subject of unhappiness for me. Around the age of 10 a boy in my class would call me names. I remember telling my older brother about it, his advice was to insult the boy back. This would then lead to a fight -- whether my brother had anticipated that or not, I don't know, but he was always very much the fighter out of the two of us. Anyway, many years later when what I really wanted was long hair, I was told no. My hair was too fine, it was never going to happen.

There's been times when I've longed for hair I could do something interesting with -- spend silly amounts of money in the city, or give it that hot surfer bed-head look, or just anything else. But most of the time I just ignored it.

Then in later years there'd be the disturbing incidents when I'd be trying clothes on in a dressing room and I'd notice with horror a bald spot. Hoping it was just the way my hair was parted, or just looking fine. Later splashing out on a bottle of regaine, only to find it's £30 for a small 30ml bottle that lasts a month -- and it takes six months at least to show any improvement. Also factor into the equation that it works with mixed results, and only continues to work for as long as you use it. Stop using it and you're back where you started. I never finished the first bottle.

I don't even remember when that was now.

More recently a colleague referred to me as short and bald, and suddenly I was 10 years old again and wanting to ask my brother what to do. Except I've now learned tricks like pretending you don't care, and pretending you're so full of confidence you think you're wonderful. I know it's vanity on my part, but it hurt just the same. But since then it's been glaringly obvious to me, and I looked at my options. There's the 'treatment' option which involves one drug or another to monkey around with the hormones -- but as I said before, nothing's guaranteed, there's risks involved and all the rest.
Alternatively, there's surgery. Hair transplants and the like. Expensive and again unreliable.
I also found a third option, replacement. A breathable membrane is bonded to the scalp with its own head of hair, scientifically produced to match as closely as possible to your own. It has none of the risks of the other two options, and in terms of cost it is far less than surgery, and about the same as treatment. You also need it replaced about once a year, so by my calculations £800 a year would be about the same as continually using a treatment.

On a Q&A Friday, I once anonymously asked Ms Fits what she thought. Quite what she thought of it, I don't know, but since strangers send her pictures of their appendages and ask her for ratings, it's probably relatively normal. I think she narrowed assessed the options as: bad comb-overs, a hat collection, or shaving the lot.

If I had the option, I'd just remove my whole head and get a different one. Or go on the MTV "I want a famous face" show. But those aren't realistic options. My friends would say to just shave it, or say that nobody else cares enough to even really look.

I'm still debating over breathable membranes and what I'd need to sacrifice to make up for the cost.