I can't pretend things aren't tough at the moment.
The girl is struggling some days to keep everything from getting to her -- the combination of living with my parents, living up to an hour outside of London, not being happy with things at her work, and the uncertainty with my work all piles up and threatens to overwhelm her.
For me, too. I'm worried that my work will fire me as I'm just not making the sales required of me -- they told me in a recent meeting that hitting 50% of my monthly sales target doesn't even cover my wages. Naturally, I'm looking for other jobs but that too adds another layer -- applying, trying to craftily interview without my current work finding out, dealing with rejection.
The girl and I have considered that maybe I need to give up on marketing and communications altogether -- but in favour of what is hard to know. I took a test online about what careers would suit me, but it didn't have any great answers -- it told me things like writer, web editor, graphic designer. Creative jobs I aspire to sometimes, where I can also be left alone to work in peace. But highly skilled and competitive fields. As it is my job history looks a little too fragmented, not because I don't want to hold down a job, but the jobs I enjoy for one reason or another don't last. I'm torn between wanting to make this one last when I often can't stand it, just to show commitment, and wanting to get out as quickly as I can to something I do enjoy and am good at.
Some days the girl looks at places to rent in London that fit within our budget, albeit tightly -- but then she feels despondent that I haven't the security we can rely on, and so we can't look at them. I promise to try harder, to do better in work, to do better in my job search, but I often feel like I'm a failure. This whole post seems so very familiar, why have things not moved on? It's clearly something in my behaviour patterns, but I don't know how to break them. It's bad enough when it's just me affected, but upsetting the girl or adding to her worries is even worse.
It sounds pretty grim but all you can do is keep on trying. It will get better.
ReplyDeleteAn online career test... I may have to look into that.
ReplyDeleteI hate those career profiles, they never help me. They started making us take them in Jr. High and they were always "welp. you could do anything,so that's good!" So not helpful.
ReplyDeleteSorry things are still so up in the air, it's hard to feel like you can move forward with life when you don't have stability. =\
"No man is a failure who has friends." Trite but true. And we're not talking just random acquaintances, but people who genuinely value you for who you are and all that you bring to the world.
ReplyDeleteThis is a bad economic environment, if you're a failure, so is a large part of humanity. This in no way reflects upon you.You're doing the best with what you have at the moment.
But the things you'll always have, which are your true value, are your talent, your wisdom, your insight into people, your creativity and artistry. Don't lose sight of who you are just because the present is fraught with mundane difficulties (easier said than done, I know...)
We're all rooting for you, kiddo!
Elisabeth: Will it? Sometimes I find it hard to believe that things are going to get better.
ReplyDeleteColleen: They have their benefits -- it can be interesting to see if it suggests something you hadn't thought of, or agrees with want you think. But it doesn't take into consideration things like education or training needed, or even competition in these suggested fields. Check one out though.
Jamie: I remember taking them at school, too, and the results were never especially helpful back then. These days I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy and completely unsuitable, and hoped for some magic unthought-of option. As for the rest of it -- any time I move forwards with my life, it feels like I get dumped right back where I started, slightly older and worse off than before. it gets old.
Alette: Wise words, and I do need to focus more on those and less on the material things that society tells us are the be-all and end-all. It's hard though. I don't feel I can blame the economic climate for anything more than last year's redundancy -- the current struggle of a job hunt is the same as it has ever been, and seems to be hindered mainly by my own background. But what can you do...
Long time reader, first time commenter. About time I delurked. The problem with sales jobs is that they're not like other jobs. At least with my mediocre job they pay me pretty well. You're busting minimum wage because of the whole commission thing but you're not making sales. You're too nice for the hard sell and sales is a ruthless industry. They'll fire your ass pretty soon (if you don't quit to save your sanity). It's ok, since you only got into it since PR/marketing didn't work out. The problem is, PR IS sales. Just tarted up like a cheap whore (I'm a bit cynical - you might disagree but you have to agree, PR is about selling the product in the end). For an artistic character such as yourself, I don't understand why you wanted to be in PR - especially since you hate your current job. They're two of a kind. You're at home now - no mortgage, no kids. Being at home sucks but it does mean you could go back to study. Or retrain. A physical trade that lets you use your hands? A job that doesn't involve selling of some sort? It's just a suggestion. I hate those stupid career things since they never narrow the field to a small enough number of jobs to actually deal with. But try. You'll go crazy otherwise (and if you move to London - you're stuck with the job you've got, until they trade you in for a new sucker. Trust me!)
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