I've neglected to mention recently that the hockey season has started once again. The games thus far haven't been much worthy of individual posts, or else I've felt I had better things to post about. But I really enjoy going to the hockey, it's one of the few things I look forward to at the moment -- and on a Sunday night, it's a great way to end the weekend. Starting Monday morning with a hangover is sometimes less fun, but it's a trade-off.
So far Chelmsford have won one game (the first -- which was encouraging) and lost two, although they've given both teams a good run for their money. This week's home game was last night (Saturday) rather than tonight -- which meant we could stay out all night, even if after a 5-3 defeat we weren't exactly celebrating.
I knew I couldn't really stay out all night last night, because I'd volunteered to drive today, delivering meals to the sick and the housebound in London. I wasn't scheduled to drive this week, normally I only volunteer about once a month -- unlike pretty much every other volunteer, I don't live in London and so it ends up taking my whole day. I said no at first when I was asked this week, but on the third time of asking I thought about how these people don't stop needing meals just because there's not enough volunteers. I figured I had no excuse, I had no other plans and already spend all week doing precisely nothing. I figured it would make me feel productive and get me out of the house.
The human contact is good, as is the feeling of doing something for other people. I always enjoy meeting a different navigator every time, and fantasising about romance, or that they'll be wealthy and want to buy my art, or the owner of some company and think my winning personality is exactly what they need. So I volunteered my time after all -- maybe I'll write about it later, maybe I won't.
But last night. After the hockey, our friend Pete (of punk rock bands The Filaments and Suicide Bid fame) invited us out in Chelmsford, since he lives there now. We hadn't been at the bar very long when others joined us -- others including Deb. There's a history with her, for anyone who wants to search her name, but I can't be bothered to go into it all. Until recently, I hadn't seen her in ages -- she, too, has moved to Chelmsford but we never saw much of each other before that anyway. Last time I saw her -- a couple of weeks ago, or maybe last week -- she complained I hadn't sent her a valentine this year.
This dates back to how we first really got talking -- I was working as a bartender, she came in on valentine's day night and complained about not having any cards. So I made her one, wrote in it in Spanish and on the back "now I want your phone number". Since then, she's requested a handmade card from me every year -- I guess her boyfriend never paid much attention, or whatever. I didn't bother this year for a number of reasons. But when she asked me recently, I didn't have the heart to say no -- or even "Don't be silly, it's September".
Either way, I saw her again last night. But I had also learned something interesting this week. All the times when I asked her out and she turned me down, because her boyfriend wouldn't like it -- she was already cheating on him. So, really, it was just me. For the record, the only reason I was asking her out when I knew she was taken was that her friends had told me she wanted an excuse to break up with him. I know this is hardly anything resembling a good idea, but it seemed reasonable at the time.
I'm not angry at her, because really what right do I have to be angry about anything? I do feel a little rejected, even though I don't feel what I used to for her. And I wonder who exactly she is, deep down -- if I see who she really is, which in a way links back to comments left on my last post. Just because you know someone in real life, doesn't mean you know the "real" them. There wasn't and won't be any animosity between Deb and myself, but I keep my distance from her.
The evening of course ended much too soon -- although in its favour, it did end with getting Subway, half of mine I saved for breakfast. A steak and cheese sub with green peppers and chilli sauce is an odd start to any day. Today's food deliveries went well, although largely without event -- but I might choose to go into detail another day.
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