I want out.

I have had it.

I don't know why today, because as days go it wasn't so bad. But I just want off this fucking course -- and, most likely, career path.

I think it was perhaps a discussion with a friend on MSN earlier that made me realise. He asked how things were and I have very little positive things to say. I actually like the practical journalism classes, and expect that an actual job in journalism would be all right, but that's pretty much it.

I am hungry. I am broke. I am lonesome as hell, but because I have no money I can't go out more and all my old friends live back home. I hate learning shorthand. I hate issues in contemporary journalism. I hate local government.

Do I really give a shit about a job in journalism any more? No, not really.

Of course this now raises other questions like what the hell am I going to do instead.

I need to find a job. Maybe more than one. But that will only solve one or two problems -- if at all. I will be earning a wage now, but that doesn't mean I will have much more spare income. So I could remain broke and hungry.

I also still wouldn't know anyone.

And even if I manage to somehow solve the no money, no food, no friends problems with a job I most likely will be swapping hating my course for hating my job -- although persevering with the course could get me a job that I might not hate.

If I moved back home I would have money, food, friends and probably a job, too. But it would also mean having to admit defeat. It would mean seeing again all the people who I told I was leaving for good to be a journalist, and admitting I couldn't do it. It's a nasty little town with nothing positive to be said for it and I don't want to go back there.

It seems that all I have before me is a bunch of things I don't want and can see no way out.