"You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else." -- Tyler Durden
What bothers me most about me, about my life, is that I'm ordinary. I live an entirely unremarkable life of quiet desperation. Maybe we have all been brainwashed to think we will grow up to be movie gods or rock stars, add in a healthy dose of comic books (childhood obsessions with Superman and Spiderman) and a religious childhood and it might be no wonder you feel a little cheated.
The trouble is, as I say, I'm average. All my life I have had the delusion that I am destined for greatness, and have been consistently been met with my own mediocrity. I am unremarkable in almost every way, and everything I do.
Sometimes when mixed in with a bad mood swing, the delusions will extend to that I am solely responsible for such things as winter, and darkness, that's my taint on the world that creates these things. That's like believing you're the reason the sun rises each day.
I have my talents, sure. I know I am good at some things -- but the trouble is, whatever I think I am good at; be it art, or writing, or whatever, I'm not anything more than particularly unexceptional. Anything I am good at there are dozens upon dozens of people of equal merit, and those even better.
I'm only average height, 4/10 looks, very much run-of-the-mill intelligence. My vocabulary is probably to the very letter mediocre. The problems I have with my looks are commonplace, my depressions almost scripted.
Lately, I feel I am becoming increasingly stupid. It stands to reason that which you don't use, you lose, and I guess processing insurance claims is hardly stimulating. I do enjoy the stories of people, when they are different -- like the man today who says he lost his phone skiing on a French mountain. I asked him how he did it and he said he and a friend were trying to film synchronised skiing, when he hit a patch of ice and lost control. I openly laughed at him. I tried not to laugh at a customer who was audibly confused when I used the word exacerbate -- mostly because it reminded me of the opening scene to Shaun of the Dead.
But this isn't remarkable. Nobody likes their jobs. Nobody gets enough sleep. Everyone wishes they could have a flat stomach, or be popular, or be rich and travel the world. Everyone wishes they could have a razor sharp wit, a mind like a steel trap.
And I expect at any one time, all over the world, a million other bloggers are writing an identical post to this one, complete with pop culture references.
Hey, come on! That post was better than ordinary. I'm sure there's something special about you, like you can fart God Save the Queen with perfect pitch, or something like that. Everybody brings SOMETHING to the table. I'm sure of it.
ReplyDeleteYou and me both, kiddo.Ironically, that seems only to prove your point more.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how average you may be. No matter how common your problems are. No matter how common your triumphs are, too. There is only one you, and that is pretty special.
Don't dwell on it too much. *hug*
I think the idea of "growing up" can be equated with "acceptance of our mediocrity". When we're babies, we are literally the centre of everyone's universe - for the rest of our lives we try and recapture that. But Diane has it right - no matter how regular we are, no matter how ordinary our skills, we are all unique and that means something. But if you are genuinely thinking you're becoming increasingly stupid (which you're not) then maybe read a non-fiction book about an area that interests you - I love reading history texts. Or do a crossword? The thing with intelligence is, when we're at school we use our intellect everyday and then we go out into the world and get these jobs that only require us to do the same tasks everyday. You have to use your brain to keep it fit, so, once we stop schooling unless we do something else to fill the gap, our brains will just petrify
ReplyDeleteare you serious? You know I give you an 11!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I pretend I'm wonder woman when no one is watching ;)
Hmm.. it's true that for anyone to be remarkable then everyone has to be ordinary so that doesn't leave much room for the rest of us. On the other hand it's all relative. Those we might see as talented/special/etc aren't really that great. A movie star may be rich, talented and attractive but there will always be richer, more talented and more attractive people.
ReplyDeleteAlso I think that 'ordinary' is the human default. Anything else takes effort. Flat stomachs, popularity, wealth or world travel don't come along by themselves. I'm a big believer that most things are achievable with enough effort. If you want change then make yourself a new year's resolution and if you don't want to make the effort then (like me) you can just sit around thinking how you could have been a _________ but couldn't be bothered with it...
Dr Kenneth: Can't everyone fart God Save the Queen with perfect pitch, then? I thought it was something we were all born with. And thanks for the kind words.
ReplyDeleteDiane: You're right, you do seem to prove the point more if we all feel like this. But you also bring something else to the discussion, you suddenly make me wonder how you could ever think you are ordinary.
Madame Boffin: As ever, you make a very good point. The brain like any muscle should be exercised if one wants to keep it in peak condition, I should complain less about it and do more about it.
M:11? Ha -- I might believe you if you said maybe 7, but 11 is
obviously a lie! :p
(and do you dress as wonder woman if nobody is watching?)
Baron Hashbrown: You're absolutely right, I can either sit around complaining, or I can do something about it -- and complaining won't flatten my stomach for me. What your comment and the others before you is making me realise that it is indeed all relative -- I don't think you or any of the others are ordinary or unremarkable, so it might be a matter of perception.
ha ha, and you're not even 30 yet.
ReplyDeleteAmong the millions, i do that. Pop culture references and replete with smut, too. how's that?
you should stop thinking too much.
Honey, we're all fucking average.And what's wrong with that?
ReplyDeleteI embrace my mediocrity. We can't all be changing the world, who would change the toilet rolls then?
xx
Sorry to hear things aren't going so well...
ReplyDelete"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha
I am totally down with Buddha, apparently. I have had my share of miscellaneous personal problems, but have tried my best to read cues when I am feeling inferior/stupid/ugly/...piece of crap. These cues come when I haven't been taking care of myself. When I spend some time alone, perhaps drinking tea, or going on a walk, I figure things out. I recharge my batteries. It's basically self-preservation.
If I ever feel like I can't do something, it's because I haven't been giving myself a fair chance.
I don't have to be like anyone else, and I don't want to be. If I show up to a party, and someone is wearing a similar outfit, I may question my uniqueness, but there are so many facets to an identity.
Revel in yours. Certainly I've never read a blog like yours. Does that mean I don't get around?
Maybe.
But I'm reading you, and you're affecting me.
I strongly believe the ability to touch someone's life can have innumerable positve repercussions.
Cut yourself some slack, man! And please, don't compare.
After all, "sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken"
...now who said that?
(Is this comment long enough, or what?)
Treespotter: Maybe my new year's resolution should also be to think less? Or to think about the right things...
ReplyDeleteSteph: The funny thing is, I would say you are anything but average. But you are absolutely right, we can't all be changing the world.
Crème fraîche: It's good to know you are down with Buddha, it's nice to meet people with common interests. But you're absolutely right, about everything. Especially about the chicken.