Hey jealousy

"Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is."

There is Alcoholics Anonymous, for people with drinking problems. There are also similar support groups for those with gambling addictions. I expect there are probably groups or support of some kind for most vices. But I somehow doubt there are any for feelings of jealousy.

I've written before of the idea or concept of not having a soul, but this is something quite different from that -- it's darker and uglier, and I'm disturbed by my own thoughts. I jokingly make references to the dark side with PR and live journal, but this really does feel like it; there's a part of me that is still dark and angry and jealous.

I get jealous of other people's relationships; I'll find out that two coworkers are now an item, and even though I've never given either of them more than a passing thought, there's a dark stirring of resentment towards them. When I dreamed San had moved on and found someone new, there was sadness I wrote about; but there was also this feeling too.

Or how I really wanted to burn Dave's house down, because of jealousy of him and Deb -- whatever there was, or is, between them I don't know, but didn't like it.

It's not just then, at work when someone new is brought in as work experience there's a flare of animosity towards them -- before I've even spoken to them. As for my colleague on the paid work experience contract, I'll feel he is direct compeition and in my head I draw comparisons to Macbeth where his quest for power is soaked in the blood of the people above him.

It can all be very disturbing.