I will go down with this ship

Fi emailed me today.

It has been months since she last heard from me, so she was giving me a nudge to see if I was still alive and make sure I was cool with her. We chatted most of the morning via text message -- not exactly reminiscing about when we went out, but remembering certain things.

She mentioned she wasn't sure when my birthday is, and I reminded her of a time when we were going and she'd got mad at me. I'd been claiming she didn't know when it was, and she got mad because she did know and I was suggesting she wasn't a good friend for it. It struck me as funny, now that she really can't remember it. She laughed and said she remembers that day, too, and says people teasing her is a continued theme from me. I asked her if she still stamps her feet when she gets mad -- it would make people laugh, and that would make her even more mad -- and she says she does. She said she didn't remember me ever being angry. I don't think I ever was, at her. She was nice to me, she said -- and remembered that I'd always been nice to her.

I said I don't do angry very often, a pretty happy go lucky sort of guy, except for the depression and stress and frustration. She said she likes to bottle things up and then end up crying for no reason, which is always fun.

Later in the day I got another text message from her, clearly bored and complaining about queues in the bank. Then a second message came through, saying exactly the same thing -- except this one ended with the phrase "Love you xxx"

That was a strange feeling. Nobody has really said that to me -- in that context -- since Fiona, and that was 5 years ago. I knew it wasn't meant for me, though, and she quickly followed it up with an apology and an admission I'd caught her out sending the same message to different people. I knew when I read it that she meant it for her boyfriend and not for me, but just the same I wondered what sort of accident lead her to send it to me. Thinking about me and her and the time we were together, and maybe she got confused briefly when selecting the name.

She still wants to meet up sometime, and she mentions she has a new job which is 9 to 5 with weekends off -- making it more practical, more feasible. I've learned my lesson with her now. Even when I saw her in Leicester a few years back and we got drunk and talked for hours and it felt like old times and I felt that familiar stir, I held my tongue. Twice shy, I made the mistake before of speaking my mind and won't do it again.

I'll tell her about the girl at Reading festival though, the one I asked for the time -- just to see her reaction, since it is exactly how we met.