Clearness of dealing, made them almost invisible

They say the meaning of life is to "find what you love, and do it".

I guess it is about time that I stopped treading water and worked out what I do love, and then worked out how to do it. A life where you spend 40 hours a week in work, with every hour marked by watching the clock and counting quietly two hours 'til break, three hours to lunch, be at home in four hours -- that's not even a life half-lived.

Years ago, I had an interview for the local paper where I had been doing work experience. In hindsight, one day a week was no kind of experience at all -- I should have been doing at least four days a week if I expected to go anywhere. But anyway, I remember the interview and telling them how I wanted a career, I wanted to do something I was passionate about. They were convinced of my passion for the profession, but I guess ultimately felt that I wasn't good enough for them. That's just how these things go.

I'm not a fool. Not all of the time, at least. I understand the reason they pay you to go to work is that you wouldn't go otherwise, I understand you can't enjoy what you do all of the time. But there needs to be a balance, and I am not prepared to live my life as a slave in a white collar.

But what do I love? In the words of Ron Burgundy "I love poetry, and a glass of scotch...". That's not going to get me very far, I haven't written so much as a line of poetry in years and my epic literary masterpiece about love, loss and zombies is currently only sitting and two pages. I don't think a career is going to come out of that, I can't even win the poetry.com competitions.

I know I have talents, and see no benefit in false modesty -- I have an artistic spark, and I'm not ashamed of it. On the other hand, I recognise that I am not amazing, I am not incredible, I am not better than perhaps a lot of people. However, a lot of people have neither the courage nor the inclination to try and succeed. This narrows the competition.

I don't really know where to begin; whether perhaps I should be looking for photography courses, or looking for assistant positions, or if I should just be trying to flog what I have. After all, I've never tried -- other than to friends who say "Yes, you should try and sell your work", but then won't buy it themselves.

I called in sick at work today, and in between watching a random subtitled Japanese movie, reading a book on philosophy and fielding calls from recruitment consultants, I also plan to devote some time to working out how to do what I love.