(my apologies to Madame Boffin, who will already have read most of this story in an email -- you can just skip this post)
Sexuality isn't something I talk about a lot, for the most part my own sexual preferences are usually only referred to in passing. Just as I don't consider myself to be my job, or the clothes I wear, I also am not who I choose to sleep with. The fact that I bat for both teams I find no more relevant than that I like to wear long sleeves under my t-shirts. Naturally, it is part of who I am and has shaped who I am and influenced my growing up, but again I don't give it that much thought. I understand for some people it can be difficult to understand, more so than if you just didn't find one sex or another attractive. I get asked how whoever I am dating is meant to know if I am feeling attracted to women or not on any one particular day -- but I like to think of it more simply as just being attracted to people. I don't get into relationships and some days think "I really don't fancy you today". Most of this is just preamble.
Occasionally I get to thinking that it might be an interesting idea to explore my personality and consider the idea of dating a guy. It's not something I've ever done, have had a few ill-advised trysts, and I've been friends with various guys, but haven't ever really sought to combine the two. I wouldn't want to go to a club or a bar to try and meet guys, any more than I would consider it a reliable way to meet girls. But I'd been thinking that it was possible I could meet guys with similar interests, but with a view to more than just friendship.
Perhaps out of curiosity more than anything, I tried placing an ad to meet guys. Considering previous ads to meet girls of various descriptions are usually treated with the contempt they deserve, I wasn't sure what would come of it -- but I thought I'd run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.
The ad itself was pretty straight to the point, bisexual, not interested in the gay scene, would rather play pool and go to a rock club, wants to meet hotties. Because who doesn't? And a disclaimer that I'd ignore the perverts. The response was quite surprising, it seems that guys are more willing to reply to ads -- I'm sure an ad with the same wording to meet girls would go unnoticed.
A lot of people were telling me they liked what I wrote -- though maybe it was just a line -- but it seemed to appeal. I think, however, that even when you are trying to meet people who don't consider their sexuality to be a defining characteristic if you are having to post a personal ad you automatically place yourself in a box, and anyone replying has to be reading the gay personals to begin with.
Of all the people that replied there were perhaps only two that actually sparked my curiosity. I felt a little bad about it, but I didn't reply to people who I either didn't find attractive or whose grasp of English was tentative -- this applying especially to people who think "txt spk" is appropriate outside of a text message. I did try responding to one or two people I wasn't interested in to begin with, to be polite, but decided it was kind of dumb.
But as I said, I was encouraged by two responses and figured if all I ever got out of it was to be good friends, it would be worthwhile. We exchanged emails for a while and they seemed to be looking for something similar. I'll never know exactly how similar or just how feasible any of this was going to be, since their interest lasted all of a couple of days.
I think I might have put one guy off with an inadvisable rant about why I don't really do the gay scene. He'd mentioned wanting to meet more people and maybe joining some clubs in London, like photography or whatever. I'd said what a good idea I thought it was, and suggested to him he even check out the First Time Club -- with whom I'd gone to the life drawing class back in December. Although I have more or less dropped out now, for various reasons. But I thought it might be good for him to join. He asked, are they gays? Because he didn't really like spending time with people who weren't. His choice of phrase made me laugh, it reminded me more of Little Britain or how older people refer to the gays -- but I think it was more because he is Polish. I told him that to be fair I had never asked anyone there about their sexual preference, it wasn't an issue to be discussed, but I expected there would probably be your normal mix.
I then went on to tell how when I was at university I though it would be good to spend time with the LGB -- but had instead found them more cliquey and exclusive than most straight people I knew. I was told things by gay people that nobody else would have dared -- I was told that I was really straight and trying to be fashionable, or that I was actually just gay and hadn't met the right man yet. I can't imagine getting out of there alive if I had tried telling that to the girl who said it to me -- oh, you just need to meet the right man. I recognise these were just small minded individuals, but just the same I don't identify with the scene or the community. He probably didn't agree. He also didn't seem over-enthusiastic I didn't live in London.
And that's kind of it -- I try to meet cute boys who share an interest in things like art, music and board sports. And for one reason or another, I fail to do so.
Although as an interesting post-script to the story, I replied to a girl's personal ad, and so far the two of us are getting along well.
Oh, and the title comes from the Screeching Weasel song of the same name. I might make them a Musical Monday subject sometime. Speaking of Musical Monday, all previous posts have been edited to try and ensure the relevant songs all work.
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