The art of giving up

The picture taken on a beach, celebrating Australia Day, apparently captures simmultaneously fireworks, lightning and the McNaught comet. I don't care that the picture isn't entirely as it appears*, it's beautiful to look at.

This post today started with no real focus to it, other than to "share" some items I have found, or have been sent -- like this article, lovingly sent by a friend following the last post. However, along the way writing it -- as is often the case -- it's become something more.

The art of giving up: for those among you with short attention spans, or who just don't like following links in case they lead to goatse, the piece can be summarised with a few choice, inspiring and easy-to-digest quotes that will hopefully serve as appetisers, for the rest of the piece.

"life is a process of letting go of your own ego, or letting go of your attachments...When the idea of self (ego) is attached to the object of enjoyment, you lose the ability to see it for what it is.

"It is also common to see aspiring artists, musicians, and actors entirely drop their activities once they come to a conclusion that they are not going to make it. At that point, it becomes clear that the driving force behind their creative pursuits was not their enthusiasm or passion, but their attachment to the idea of becoming someone. Or, it is also possible that whatever enthusiasm they had was overwhelmed by their fear of failure. Ironically, I believe that, if you can give up the idea of “making it,” you would have a better chance of actually making it."

I had never realised it, but what I was expressing in my last post and what I have expressed in so many posts without knowing, is I have a kind of addiction to attachment.

I develop strong attachments to all sorts of things, and all manner of issues can suddenly be explained by this -- particularly my illogical reactions. I develop attachments to items of clothing, hence when I lost my "favourite" jacket last year I was upset (and when I thought I lost the coat my brother gave me earlier this year). I also have favourite t-shirts, favourite items of jewellery and favourite pairs of jeans. I wrote about death a few posts ago, and I wrote about how for years as a child I remained distraught over the death of our pet cats. Again, an almost-irrational attachment. It would be no surprise to anyone that I appear to harbour attachments to people -- I remain close friends with my exes and remain attached to past crushes. I also develop attachments to jobs, or workplaces -- to the point where I find myself crying with disappointment when I don't get a permanent job.

There's the more destructive things I have got attached to, as well -- alcohol, self harm, depression, buying new things and even the emotional and chemical cocktail of love and sex. And aren't we all? If not those exactly, then at least attached to our identities -- as writers, or whatever -- or attached to individuals, to blog comments, or just to attention.

My fear of failure, my drive to consider myself an artist to assign myself an identity, are an attachment to the self. And this is where the article really sparks my interest:

"Zen Buddhism is a process of detachment. It is so concerned with attachment that, one is discouraged from being attached to the very idea of detachment, and I can see why; because attachment actually has positive, useful functions. In this sense, Zen is not a process of detachment, but simply an understanding of what attachment is."

Zen teaches us that the self is an illusion, and in some parts a cause of suffering -- the erroneous belief that we are all separate, perhaps in a way the belief that we are all beautiful and unique snowflakes. What this tells me is my attachment to my "self", my identity becomes too attached to my ego and through the fear of not making it, and so not being "someone", I risk it all.

I feel inspired.

*if you can't be arsed to follow the link it is described as a "three-photograph panorama".