It's Sunday, and San has only just started talking to me again.
We didn't even really have a row. She and I don't really argue, she has said before that she thought we should argue more -- though I can't remember exactly why, maybe it was for the making up afterwards? I can't say.
Anyway, on Friday it was much like this. I went over to San's, she was tired from the night before and so she slept while I used her laptop -- mostly trying to sort out a mess on ebay that we got ourselves into. But that's a long story in itself, and generally requires a passing familiarity with different models of Nokia mobile phones.
So San slept for an hour or so, until a friend of hers stopped by to pick up some clothes she had left behind the night before. San was in a bad mood with me when she woke up -- because she had a dream that I was ignoring her, and when she woke up it seemed to be real. I think that's where it started -- San can take hours to calm down once she's got mad, even if she forgives you.
After her friend left I think I mostly finished what I was doing online and San got out of bed to use her computer herself. Once she was using it, however, she was behaving exactly how she described I was behaving in her dream -- that is, more or less ignoring me. Eventually I got fed up with it, and with nothing better to do decided to go home. San showed so little interest that it annoyed me further, though I didn't show it.
San got the hump that I was leaving, and wouldn't so much as hug me goodbye. The argument for the rest of the day was, from her side, that because she was a little grouchy I got in a mood and just walked out.
The way I tell it is like this. When it's not sunny, San will be in a bad mood. When San has a cold she claims -- literally -- that she is dying. She will insist over and over that she feels like she is dying. So she was in a bad mood, and when I felt ignored I did decided to leave and when she made no indication of wanting me to stay, or noticing I was there, I was less inclined to stay. I did not just walk out, I even asked San for a hug before I left and she refused me.
By the time I got home I wasn't really that annoyed any more. I find it hard to hold a grudge for long, and I was more bothered about trying to get it sorted out. I called San and we tried to talk about it, but she was mad at me and didn't want to talk to me, and even when I explained to her how I felt and apologised there was no apology forthcoming from her.
Like I say, that was Friday and only now is she talking to me again properly. She confirmed yesterday when I spoke to her she was still mad at me, and expected to be for the rest of the weekend. All because I apparently walked out, when she knows full well that I didn't even.
Next weekend San moves out of halls here in Leicester for the summer, and it will be at least a month before I leave here. What happens between us after that -- after being used to seeing each other whenever, to not even knowing where I will be in a few months time, not to mention San most likely going to college in Maryland from January. It feels very familiar and I wonder if San isn't pushing me away to make anything that comes next easier.
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