Be careful what you wish for

#I saw two shooting stars last night
I wished on them, but they were only satellites
Is it wrong to wish on space hardware?
I wish, I wish -- I wish you'd care# -- "A New England", by Billy Bragg

Last week I was bummed out because "Star Girl" -- whatever her name really was -- seemingly lost interest in me. It seemed familiar, either I wasn't good-looking enough or interesting enough or something but clearly, I felt, I was at fault. Sometimes when I think back over my past relationships, however happy I was with San when things were good I've often thought I'd like to meet a girl a bit more like Fi. Not in terms of looks, or personality as such -- but Fiona was a lot more expressive. She was crazy about me, in her own mixed-up little way. You can't compare one person to another, but sometimes I miss being complimented or hearing someone say "I love you".

It was late on Saturday night, I think, when I was checking for emails from Star Girl and not finding anything I saw there was an email in my junk mail folder. I always check my junk mail, in case something legitimate slips through the net -- even if it's usually offers of prescription drugs. And never good drugs, I don't want viagra, I want ritalin, dammit. But yes, it was a legitimate email after all -- another reply to my ad.

This time the respondent seemed to be taking it seriously -- she wished me luck in my search for the blonde 20 year old double-jointed super model, who owns her own brewery, and an open-minded twin sister. And that was all. I replied, explained it was a joke that nobody had seemed to get, and we struck up a conversation. This was Saturday.

Today is Tuesday and she uses phrases like "I enjoy you", "You make me happy" and "I just...care about you". She is also vocally impatient that we can't meet before this weekend. I have no problem with meeting, I didn't place the ad to email someone I'd never meet, and sooner is often better than later. But something doesn't sit right with me.

I like her and all. She has all the good, healthy things you would want from a person -- a sense of humour, intelligence, interesting, yadda yadda. It's just a little hard to know what to make of it all. She asked me what I would write in a 'real' ad, and I paraphrased my profile currently showing all this week on Match.com -- which is being met with resounding silence. She said something like "Oh my, can I keep you?". The pictures didn't put her off, either.

I am making a concerted effort to be honest with her -- last night she asked if I would call her to say goodnight. I told her no. I got a random text asking me to tell her "something dirty", I refused -- told her there was a time, and a place, and that kind of thing just makes things confusing. And if on meeting her I have no desire for anything more than friendship with her, I will tell her that, too.

She has made it clear what she wants -- she likes me already, wants to meet up as soon as, and then if that goes well to "be with" me. She apologised in case she was scaring me, but I don't scare easily. Just the same, she's a bit too fucking eager.

Maybe I am just putting obstacles in the way. I complain when nobody likes me, then when a sweet, affectionate girl comes along who makes no secret of liking me I complain that she's too eager.

Or maybe I really should just be a bit more careful with what I wish for.