Misplaced, my faith in the dark side was.

Yesterday I was sat at my desk, working like any other day -- perhaps not quite like any other day as we have a big event coming up on Monday and Tuesday so have a lot of work to do. But I was minding my own business, when I got an email from the associate account director with the subject "Your Interview". It read:

"Thank you for your interview yesterday.

As discussed we need to feed back on that interview. I am out of the office until later this afternoon yet back at around 5 if that suits you to sit down and allow us to feedback.

I will call you when I am back in the office later.

Thanks"

I did not like the sound of it. I was forwarding it to colleagues expressing my concern, and it seems now like they were conspicuously non-committal. San told me not to worry, and that it could be good news. It didn't sound like good news.

The afternoon rolled around, I got a phone call inviting me upstairs to a meeting room and off I went, especting the worst. We chatted a little about all the stuff we had going on, and then it started. She began telling me how much they liked me and that I had interviewed well and what a great job everyone thinks I do. But you know that none of that stuff ever precedes good news.

And so it goes. They decided not to offer me the position of account assistant. I don't know if I mentioned it here, but I had a nagging feeling after the first interview that maybe I know had too much experience -- especially since they said I would be in this position for as long as 18 months without promotion. I insisted then it didn't worry me. But apparently it was an issue for them. They wanted someone "fresh out of university" without any experience, someone who would be happy to do the job for 18 months -- and that I was too good for that job, and should be aiming more for an Account Exec position.

I think what it came down to is that they thought I'd be frustrated and dissatisfied in the job after about six months -- and is I'd thought myself, I could always leave at that point. They don't want to have to hire someone else in six months for this position.

But what it means for me is that not only do I not get the job, but I can't continue to work there. I now have no job to go to at all. I have emailed my loathsome recruitment consultants this morning, telling them this and to step up the pace in finding me a job. I have some friends taking my CV and tentatively asking contacts of theirs. I have also emailed a couple of style magazines my CV in the hope they might be able to make some use of me.

We walked out of the meeting and on the side of a nearby desk was a selection of soft drinks and a couple of beers. I'd originally declined a drink before the meeting, but thought now I could really use a beer and picked one up. I went back to my desk long enough only to open the bottle, avoiding eye contact with anyone, and went to sit on the fire escape outside. I saw on the fire escape -- just far enough down that anyone looking out of the window wouldn't see me. And I cried. It sounds stupid, to be so upset over a job, but I insist it wasn't just that. It was frustration and disappointment and the fact that my parents want to move house so I need a job and a place of my own quickly if I don't want to go with them. It was a hundred things. I've no idea what my colleagues thought of me, when I went back to my desk with bloodshot eyes and constantly blowing my nose.

Now it looks like I get to look forward to the wide-world of office temping.