Here it ends.

Her name was Fiona, and I hope this to be the last entry I write about her. Because, it is official now -- I have had it with her.

We have known each other for longer as just friends than we were together, but what I can't understand is why is still so cagey with me. It is time to just let it go.

She hasn't exactly done anything. We have been living in the same city since I moved here in September, and in previous conversations it seemed that she wasn't completely against the idea of us meeting up as friends. It has been two years since we last saw each other, and it was her that said it had been too long.

What I don't understand is her seemingly complete reluctance to stay in contact with me. She emailed me a few weeks back, which is to her credit since she initiated it. But my reply went unanswered, and I hadn't heard a word from her until last night. When I sent her a message.

I was just curious as to how she was, as friends do. She told me she had a cold and I expressed sympathy and said I hoped her boyfriend was looking after her, and to let me know if there was anything I could do for her. She didn't answer. I asked her if she would like to borrow a couple of poetry books, by a guy we both like. About an hour later she answered, with an aside comment about John Hegley and not answering the question on if she would like to borrow them. I replied to her message, and asked again if she would like the books. Absolutely no reply.

It seems that she can answer when she wants to, but won't answer a direct question. Just like she has ignored any past questions about the albums of mine I know that she still has, or the idea of just meeting up one day.

If there is one thing I hate, it is being ignored. I would prefer that she hated me and told me that she never wanted to see me again to her silence. I see no problem with telling someone "I don't think meeting up would be such a great idea" or making an excuse if you don't want to offend. Ignoring me completely -- and for weeks on end, until I make contact -- I find rude.

What is the issue with the books? I expect that it the problem is that to borrow them she would end up having to see me. But she can't even do me the courtesy of politely declining, whatever her reasons are.

As over the top as it sounds, I have now had enough. I loved that girl, and I was sorry that things ended the way that they did -- but it was nobody's fault. And god knows, I apologised enough for telling her when I came back that I still loved her. I thought we were past all of that, and could be just friends. Or at least honest enough to say what was going on.

But now she ignores messages that she doesn't want to have to answer, and she ignores my emails. Maybe she didn't get my email? It's a possibility. I don't have to carry on this way.

(funny thing -- I could still remember her email password, so logged in to her account to see if my mail was there. Before I remembered that I had sent it to her university account, I noticed that every single email I ever sent her had been deleted)

I can't say that I have feelings for her any more, and that's a damn good thing to my mind. I thought we could be friends, two people who just got along. It would seem that she has other ideas, but although I have done nothing wrong, she won't give me the time of day enough to tell me what's going on. So here it ends. I will not contact her again, and hopefully will have nothing to write about her in here again. Short of a definition in the cast list, when and if I ever get that written...