Last night I had a dream that I went out with a group of my friends for my birthday. The details are all hazy to me now -- in my mind's eye I can see scenes from the dream, but wouldn't know how to start describing them. Friends I had with me happened to include both San, and Fiona. As you might expect, even in a dream, San was furious at having to be around Fiona. Being my usual clueless self -- in my dream at least -- I wasn't able to understand what the problem was.
"But she's my friend," I told San "You don't have a problem with any of my other friends."
Of course it was completely illogical, because it was a dream. I would have more tact I expect than to ever expect San to be in the same place as Fiona -- although ironically, I don't think Fi has any idea San has an irrational hatred of her, and would probably like to meet San -- and I like to think I'd be able to understand why she'd be annoyed. The strange thing is, it's only on waking that it occurs to me San has absoluely no claim over me. Nor would she claim to.
The dream was undoubtedly inspired by an email correspondence with Fi yesterday evening, where we discussed our respective plans for the night. I both encouraged her to go out, and complained about my friends and their inability to do anything but go to the same pub every night. I am desperate to move out, move away. A short while ago I got an email from Fi, saying she didn't go out in the end because the trains were disrupted. She also mentioned next time she's going anywhere she'll invite me and maybe we could meet up...
Without sounding melodramatic, or sixth-form goth, I sometimes feel I have nothing to look forward to in my life. Not in a depressed, my life is bleak way -- but for example, some people work monday to friday and can't wait for the weekend. They live all week for Friday night and two days off. Or I used to work Friday nights, and then be on a train Saturday morning to see San for the day. When I was in Leicester I didn't need to be looking ahead to something, because San was right there.
But I don't feel that now. I don't particularly look forward to my days off -- they're random days in the week when nobody else is around -- and I probably don't make enough of all the spare time I have. I really do need to get a proper job. I should make a list:
Get a proper job
Meet new people
Sort life out.
Kind of reminds me of Shaun of the Dead with the pub conundrum.
ReplyDeleteI could only think of a bunch of depressing platitudesto address your ennui & angst, but I like you, kidbot. So, I'll just sent a hug in your direction.
ahh, the old 'sort life out'. yep. yep. I hear ya.
ReplyDeleteAlette-
ReplyDeleteThe list was meant to remind you of Shaun of the Dead:
Go round Mum's
Get Liz back
Sort life out
And thanks for all the hugs x
Mez-
It's that obvious, is it?
heh, no - it just sounds familiar..like a girl I know actually ;)
ReplyDelete